20 Sep 2018

She’s Baaackkkkkkkkk

Oh, hey there!

I have been wanting to return to the ole blog for months but it just seemed so DAUNTING. Would people still read? Did people still care? And then I posted about how I was thinking about it on Instagram and got many lovely responses which fed my ego and made me feel all warm and cuddly and so here we are. And Rosh Hashanah was last week and according to the Jews it’s a new year so why not kick things off right now?

So! What’s new? Let’s see. I HAD A BABY. LIFE IS VERY VERY DIFFERENT NOW. It feels like just yesterday I was three vodka cranberries in at Dirtbags most nights and now I have a husband, a mortgage, a very sassy French bulldog and an actual real life CHILD.

I will say I hope this doesn’t turn into a mom blog but I can’t promise that. 64% of my waking hours are spent with a tiny young man who spits up on my wood floors and enjoys crawling into the dog’s water bowl. Don’t worry though, I am definitely going to post about shopping because how do you think mama relaxes at night!? And also food. Because it is delicious and I also appreciate date nights way more now.

Last time I resurrected this thing I did a post with 10 fun facts to kick things off. So let’s do that again. Without further ado:

  1. We’ll start with the biggest and bestest – I AM A MOTHER. Morgan Raff came into this world on December 1st, 2017, and life has never been the same. He is the most delicious, adorable, sweetest little boy in the universe and I am in love with him. I expect a large portion of this blog will be dedicated to him because he’s my life right now and he’s THE BEST.
  2. I am a very different mom than I thought I would be. I have had my own struggles with anxiety over the past few years and I really thought I’d be a nervous wreck when I had a kid, even though I absolutely love babies. You know that phrase “Happy wife, happy life?” My spin on it is “Calm mom, calm baby.” Doesn’t have quite the same ring but I have found that when I freak out about things, he freaks out too. So I try really hard not to freak out. It doesn’t always work – and thank god I have a great husband who calms me down when I need it – but I am very grateful for a very happy, chill baby most of the time.
  3. Did you know I don’t drink? Everyone always gets very nervous when I say that because they think they offended me and I’m sober, but I’m not – I’m ALLERGIC. I guess in college I just drank through the pain and was red and sweaty every night… but as an adult in my 20s, I decided it just wasn’t worth it anymore. So I am always the designated driver which makes my husband pretty happy. I like to say that if it was gonna be anyone to make this choice, I’m glad it was me because let’s face it, I don’t exactly need alcohol to have a good time. (Also side note: I once told someone that in college it was so weird that I “got sick and didn’t feel well” every single weekend but was fine during the week… and they looked at me like I was nuts and said, “Um, because you were HUNGOVER?” and it took me until I was a legit adult to realize that was correct.)
  4. Two years ago if you told me I would be obsessed with the Bachelor franchise I would have told you that you were out of your goddamn mind. AND YET HERE WE ARE. I first got sucked in because our friend invited us to join us Bachelor Bracket during Rachel’s season. So we watched that, then we watched Ari’s season, and decided to Tivo Bachelor in Paradise “just to see what all the fuss was about” last summer and OH MY GOD I AM ADDICTED. Cut to today – I’m reading Reality Steve, following every contestant on Instagram, texting my friends at commercial breaks because Ramz and I have a rule: “No cell phones during Bachelor in Paradise.” ALSO before you say anything, I might be the only person excited for the next season of the Bachelor because I LOVE COLTON UNDERWOOD. He’s the handsomest man I ever saw in my life besides my husband of course. A virgin who cries and loves dogs? SIGN ME UP.
  5. My new passion in life is finding non-cheesy, cool baby boy clothes. It’s surprisingly harder than you’d think. Call me crazy but I don’t really want my baby wearing “DADDY’S LITTLE SIDEKICK” or “MOM’S THE MILK FACTORY” onesies. So I spend a lot of time online looking for non-lame options. Should I do a post on non-lame baby clothes? I’m thinking yes.
  6. Our next big trip is… JAPAN! I am dying to go to Japan and I think we’re going to go for our 5th anniversary next year. I pride myself on doing excellent research before trips but I told Ram the other day “Japan may beat me.” There are a MILLION places to stay and eat and so many things to do and it seems so overwhelming! But I need to spend a week eating sushi so I must power through.
  7. I didn’t go back to work after my maternity leave is up. Since May, I’ve officially become a Stay At Home Mom. It’s weird and different than I thought – not necessarily bad, but different. My whole life I dreamed of being a SAHM and now I don’t know if that’s what I want to do my whole life. I’m not opposed to working part-time or from home in the future but I have no idea what I want to do! So for now I am just enjoying hanging out with my dude during the day… even though I get super pumped for 5:30 when Ram comes home πŸ™‚
  8. I got acrylic nails for my bat mitzvah in September 1998 and… never took them off. I’ve literally had them for 20 years. But I just started getting gel nails this summer and holy hell where have I been all these years?!
  9. I had to have fertility treatments in order to get pregnant. It was a LONG and HARD year trying to get pregnant on our own and not succeeding while what felt like literally all our friends were having babies. I do want to do a full post on this eventually… but I will say for now that after I went through it, I find myself talking about it in public a lot because not a lot of people do and it’s just shocking how common it is.
  10. In case you don’t follow us on Twitter, the #RESISTANCE is still alive and well in our household. We donate, we call our senators (Rami calls them WEEKLY), we volunteer, but nothing makes us feel better about the criminal in the White House and I don’t think it will until he’s OUT.

Here’s a bonus for you! Number 11: I taught myself how to do the floss dance.

So there ya have it, friends. I’m back? Tentatively? I want to say I’M BACK! but I recognize you might not trust me after all these months so we’ll just go week by week, ok? Meanwhile, as long as I have you here, may I gently remind you November 6th is the midterm elections and by god, I hope you wake up that day and vote like your life depends on it, BECAUSE IT DOES.

Posted on September 20, in Etc


  1. Carole Safenowitz wrote:

    Hi Jordan –
    Was so happy to read your blog.
    Super, terrific and so enjoyable.
    Any topic you write about is worth reading.
    Glad you’re back.
    Love you,
    Aunt Carole

    Posted on 9.20.18 ·
  2. Rebecca wrote:

    Hahahaha did you reallllly learn how to do the floss dance?! WELCOME BACK!!

    Posted on 9.20.18 ·
  3. Lori Tessel wrote:

    Welcome back!! πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

    Posted on 9.20.18 ·
  4. Kelly (from ELOQUII) wrote:

    L O V E this and can’t wait to read more!

    Posted on 9.21.18 ·
  5. Sophie wrote:

    Soooo glad you are back!!!!

    Posted on 9.21.18 ·
  6. Ally wrote:

    could not be happier you’re back!! so proud of you!

    Posted on 9.21.18 ·
  7. melissa wrote:

    sooo happy you’re back! love your activism & your openness to talking about fertility issues. it is SHOCKING how common it is & yet no one talks about it. I love that our generation is opening up & Would love to hear about your experience.

    Posted on 9.24.18 ·

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